


A Very Merry Metzgermas

by rivlee



Series: Gone Are All The Days: D.C.-Metro Tales [15]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 02:37:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivlee/pseuds/rivlee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nasir reflects on the holidays with his in-laws. Part of the <i>Gone Are All the Days</i> AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Merry Metzgermas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amorekay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorekay/gifts).



> This work is part of a greater crossover AU featuring characters from _Band of Brothers_ , _Generation Kill_ , and _The Pacific_.

The thing about the Metzgers, and Nasir was so writing a handbook on them one day, was that everything was an event. Nothing was done small; they were a family of grand romantic gestures, passionate emotions, and the occasional accidental arson. Halloween was sacred to them but Christmas, well, that shit brought out a whole other level of Metzger Mania. It started on Thanksgiving and didn’t give up until post-Epiphany. Every year Nasir swore he gained at least twenty pounds and swore he wouldn’t eat half a Three King’s Cake on his own the next year, and every year he proved himself a liar. It was worth it though if only to spend extra time with Agron at the gym. Not that Nasir got much done when he was too busy staring at Agron’s arms, but hell, it was the thought that counted.

This year was Diona’s first year among the whirlwind. She’d survived Halloween and Thanksgiving in-tact. Now it was the big test. Well, until Easter, but even the egg-dying, ceramic-lamb-painting extravaganza that celebrated the Resurrection of Christ couldn’t compare to Christmas. Chadara still got twitchy every now and then when she smelled cinnamon and flashed back to the Great Snickerdoodles Stand-Off of 2011. All Nasir could do is pat Diona’s back as she blinked at the seven-foot fully decorated evergreen in the Metzger’s living room. 

“Why?” Diona asked.

Chadara put down her beer and shrugged. “Does this family ever need a reason for their extremes? It’s a Tuesday; there’s your answer.”

“And why, if we all live in the area, are we expected to sleep _here_ for the next six nights?” Diona asked. 

Nasir tried hard not to laugh. “Trust me, with the amount of food and drinks you’ll be consuming, you won’t want to leave. It’s just safer to keep us all here. Plus, if you only stay from Christmas Eve-on, you miss the midnight cocktail hour post-present-wrapping and/or cookie-baking session.”

“Nasir, don’t spoil all the surprises for her,” Mina Metzger chastised as she walked into the room. She was a beautiful woman, with streaks of grey just starting to show in her dark hair. She took Diona’s arm. “Come with me, lovely, and I’ll show you some of our baking secrets. You can always control Duro with cookies.” She turned to Chadara. “You too, Chadara. You may have missed half the experience last year but that means we have more to do this year.”

Chadara stood and turned to Nasir. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Nasir is a proud graduate of the Metzger Herding School. He’s even developed some of his own courses,” Mina said as her eyes flicked to his long hair. 

Nasir grinned. “Each member requires a certain adaptation of the lessons.” 

He waved to Chadara as she followed Mina and Diona into the kitchen. God, that brought up some memories. Granted, he was completely on his own the first Christmas season he spent in this house. He was the first boyfriend or girlfriend ever brought into the fold and the only one allowed all-access to the full holiday traditions. It took him a few years to realize that Agron thought their relationship a sure thing from day one. 

Familiar arms wrapped around his waist then and he leaned back into the strong chest there. He titled his head up and smiled into Duro’s amused eyes.

“Oh, it’s that time of year again, to reclaim our forbidden love under the magical shine of the Christmas tree lights,” Nasir breathily teased.

“I’ve been waiting for this all year,” Duro answered in a low, seductive voice.

“You two are assholes,” Agron said as he pushed past them and sat on the couch. No grown man should look that sad while eating sugar cookies.

Duro and Nasir held it together for another moment longer before they both lost it. Nasir stumbled out of Duro’s arms and clutched his sides. Tears of laughter were streaming down his face.

“It’s not that fucking funny,” Agron said.

Duro collapsed beside his brother and punched Agron’s arm. “You brought it on yourself, bro. Honestly, I’ve never seen you get _that_ pissed over me crashing into someone under the mistletoe. I thought I was going to get fratricide for Christmas.”

“You ruined my grand romantic gesture,” Agron growled.

Duro scoffed. “It was Nasir’s first Christmas with us back then. Any attempts at grand romantic gestures when in front of that many Metzgers would’ve seen him running back to his grandma, no matter the distance. I fucking saved your relationship that night. The least you could do is thank me.”

Nasir sat down beside Agron and rested his head on his shoulder. He kissed Agron’s cheek and smiled when he felt the tension seep out of him. “I wouldn’t have run away then, I swear,” he said. “I probably would’ve decked you in front of everyone for putting me on the spot like that but I like mine and Duro’s tradition much better. I spend all year thinking up new lines for our torrid Christmas affair.”

Agron huffed. “I noticed you waited until Diona left the room to pull that shit off.”

“No need to scar her for life now when your dad will be pulling out his Krumpus mask later,” Nasir said. 

“He’s promised to tone it down this year, for Diona’s sake. Besides, he mostly stayed to the actual day this time. He just puts in on around Christmas for the boys at the VFW,” Duro said. He looked worried though. 

Nasir exchanged a look with Agron who then patted Duro’s arm. “We’ll give her a pre-warning,” Agron said. “I’ll show her the mask and explain all the shit before dad comes home.”

“She’s already done some research and asked me questions about it,” Duro said. “But you know there’s tradition and then there’s Conrad Metzger.”

“A Metzger doing something to its extreme? I refuse to believe it,” Nasir said.

Duro rolled his eyes. “I swear he wasn’t this mouthy when you first brought him home.”

Agron shrugged. “The result of our hard-earned practice of getting Nasir to vocalize all his needs.”

“Oooh, tell me more,” Saxa said as she clambered down the stairs. “Don’t tell me I’ve missed family overshare time?”

“We’re not starting it,” Agron said. “Nasir and I are going for a walk.”

“We are?” Nasir asked.

“If that’s okay with you, of course. I just figured we’d leave these two to panic over just what Mom is telling them,” Agron said as he pointed to the kitchen.

Duro and Saxa actually looked a little worried. Mina hadn’t found a lot of time to be alone with either Diona or Chadara. For Chadara it was a combination of work hours, exhaustion, and the fact everyone in the family wanted to meet and talk with the woman who could keep Saxa in relative control. For Diona, she was a shy person by nature. She opened up once she knew you but it wasn’t an immediate thing. She was also completely new to all of this, all of _them_. She had to be straining under the pressure of working out a new relationship with the added stress of meeting the full-force of the Metzgers. 

He joined Agron and laughed at the look of horror on the Metzger siblings’ faces.

“Calm down you two, it’s not that bad. Just some stories to keep in our personal blackmail arsenal and your favorite recipes. All things you will benefit from,” Nasir promised. He didn’t add it also came with warnings about what brats they could be if they got anything more than sniffle, but what they didn’t know would keep everyone else sane. 

Nasir let Agron help him into his coat and took the fussing with no complaint as he tied a scarf around Nasir’s neck. There were some battles Nasir knew better than to fight. It was cold outside, not freezing, not near snow, but still far from normal delightful temperatures for an evening stroll.

“Is there a reason we’re ditching the traditional schedule for the night?” Nasir asked after Agron closed the door.

“You’re helping Chadara and Diona cheat and we just can’t have that; they’re already at an advantage with each other around.”

“This is not Chadara’s first Christmas with us.”

“No, but it’s her first full Metzgermas Experience. It’s better if they all go through it without either you or me there to help them along,” Agron said. He pulled Nasir into a deep kiss. “Let them have this moment of bonding. It’s that important step in a relationship; the first full Metzgermas. I’m sure you remember just how much you liked our calming effect on each other your first real Christmas with us.”

Nasir’s pulse jumped at the memory. He’d bitten his lips so hard he’d drawn blood that night, desperately trying to keep quiet with Nana Klaas sleeping in the next room while Agron took him hard against the bathroom door. Fuck, he couldn’t think about that on the front step. The ceramic yard sheep were judging him. 

Agron’s laugh was low and dirty. “That’s what I thought.”

***********************

Conrad and Mina informed him at his and Agron’s wedding reception that Dagan and Grandma Karimi were now considered full family and also invited to all said holiday traditions. Grandma Karimi was always far too busy during this time of year to stop by for anything but Christmas morning, but Dagan was another case. He’d recently taken a position at Quantico working at the Officer’s Training School for the Marine Corps. Nasir _still_ thought Conrad had something to do with the relocation but he knew Dagan kept his job because he was fucking good at it. 

Dagan also couldn’t make the full festivities; he wouldn’t deny those precious days off to the men and women who had small children and new marriages, but his request for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was honored. It meant that he showed up on the Metzger’s doorstep at six in the morning ready for the last-second food prep and wrapping extravaganza. In any other family it probably would’ve got him shot, but Conrad considered six a sleep-in.

“I can’t believe they’re letting you wrap,” Dagan said. He sat down beside Nasir and stuck a bow on top of his head. “You use friggin’ protractors to wrap presents.”

“I’ve never used a protractor. I use yard sticks because they help for an accurate cut,” Nasir said. He didn’t bother taking the bow out; if he tried he’d have ten more along with some ribbons tied into it by the end of the night. 

“It’s just your control freak tendencies showing, baby bro. Hell, it’s why I come to you to wrap everything, like, this bag of gifts for Camilla I just happened to bring.”

“Smooth,” Duro muttered under his breath as he sorted through the pile of presents.

“Hey, I still wrapped the real important ones all on my own to show I care. It’s obvious I did it but she should have some nice, professional looking presents from the hands of my perfect bother who clearly approves of our relationship and is welcoming her into the fold,” Dagan said.

Chadara looked up from the pile of presents she was sorting through. “Who told you that bullshit spiel? That sounds like Leckie-words.”

Dagan shrugged. “He’s a good drinking buddy and one I need since Duro won’t join me anymore.”

“Dude, it’s awkward to be drinking with my brother-in-law’s brother and my girlfriend’s ex-brother-in-law. I’m trying _not_ to live a life suited for an episode of daytime trash tv.”

“Kids, does this look okay?” Conrad asked as he appeared in his Krumpus mask.

Dagan patted Duro’s shoulder. “Too late, dude.”

*********************

The Metzgers were pretty standard Americans when it came to their Christmas Eve celebrations. It didn’t start out that way but years growing up on military bases hammered some traditions into habit. They did the one present on Christmas Even thing followed by dinner. After that, those who still practiced dragged themselves to Midnight Mass at St. Ann’s. The rest of them usually sprawled out watching the taped version from the Vatican on EWTN, stuffing themselves on cookies and hot chocolate or apple cider. 

This year Nasir had decided to join the church-going crowd. It was more a show of support for Diona who, as a girl with quite the stereotypical Irish Catholic grandmother, had never missed a Midnight Mass in her entire life. 

Nasir and Dagan were raised Catholic, a shock to everyone who automatically assumed they were Muslim because of their looks and names. Neither still practiced and both had a lot of issues with the Church but, much like many raised in the faith, there was an almost ease of sliding back into it. Nasir would never be comfortable in a cathedral again; not knowing what the head of this church believed about people like him, but it was hard to fight that tug of the familiar. 

“No falling asleep this time,” Mina hissed down the line of Metzgers. 

Nasir stomped on Dagan’s foot when he wouldn’t stop laughing. Agron wasn’t any better. It caught on down the line of course, every single one of them choking back laughter as the mass started. An old man standing in the pew before them turned around and glared. Nasir just shrugged and stared pointedly ahead. He wondered what the people behind them thought of Agron’s firm hold on Nasir’s ass. 

Fucking Metzgers.

******************

Agron’s old bedroom smelled like a forest with all the pine-scented potpourri Conrad had placed about before their arrival. Jack hated it and she’d taken to prowling the space under the bedroom windows as if being closer to fresh air made it better. Nasir couldn’t blame her; he’d never been a fan of strong scents even before discovering how severe his allergies were when he met with most flowering plants. It made Conrad really happy though, so Nasir had learned to grin, bear it, and have Agron smuggle in an air purifier and smuggle out all the godforsaken potpourri. 

Tonight the smell didn’t bother him too much. He had that little rush in his blood that always seemed to come when around the Metzgers and their enthusiasm. It was hard not to believe in the childlike magic of the holidays when surrounded by this family. 

Nasir leaned against Agron in the bathroom as they both got ready for bed. Agron was humming _One More Sleep ‘til Christmas_ as they brushed their teeth. A soft knock sounded on their door and Nasir finished before going to answer it. Diona stood on the other side with a tray of mugs in her hand and an uncertain look on her face.

“You okay, Di?” he asked.

She nodded. “I just, in my family, after Midnight Mass we always come home and drink hot chocolate and watch _A Muppet Christmas Carol_. Vera’s already on the phone waiting to watch it with us, me and Duro I mean, and I wanted to know if you’d like to join us? Dagan’s already down there; he wasn’t tired yet.” 

She looked so uncertain that Nasir had to wonder just what kind of assholes she’d dated in the past and the horrible fucking families they came from. Diona should never look that nervous around any of them for wanting to share her own traditions.

Nasir grinned at her and took the tray from her hands. “Agron’s already inadvertently started the sing-a-long. We’ll be down in a minute. Why don’t you get Chadara and Saxa?”

“They won’t mind?” she asked.

Nasir shrugged. “All they can do is say no; even if they do that now they’ll probably wander down halfway through when we’re all asleep. We’ll be there though.”

Diona moved fast and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you, Nasir, for everything. You’ve been like, a rock through this whole thing. It’s such a relief knowing you’ve gone through it all, been the outsider among this super-close family, and they consider you one of them. It’s just so intimidating. I mean, I thought Halloween was bad, but Duro’s given me flowcharts of the relatives for the dinner tomorrow.”

Nasir grimaced. “Agron gave me a PowerPoint presentation my first year. I still have nightmares about it. Just remember: Nana Klaas will talk, at length, for a very long time, about her shingles. Grandma and Grandpa Metzger will both give you nutcrackers and expect you to act like they’re the most magical gifts ever. A punch or two may be thrown but it will soon be followed by laughter and hugs and for the love of your digestive system, avoid anything made of lime Jell-O.”

“Why?” Diona asked.

Nasir shook his head. “Di, just trust me on this one. Now, go try to rouse Saxa and Chadara and we’ll see you downstairs.”

He wanted until she was gone before he placed the tray down. It was really heavy and he didn’t know how such a petite woman could carry it so easily; the power of waitress experience he guessed. 

“I’m so fucking lucky to have you,” Agron said from behind him. 

Nasir turned around and knew he had a stupid grin on his face to match Agron’s own. “That makes two of us.”

******************

It was the flash of the camera that woke him up on Christmas morning. He blinked into the early morning light to find Conrad and Mina standing in the doorway of the den with camera and iPad out taking pictures and video. All the rest of them were sprawled around the room with filled stockings resting against their bodies and reindeer headbands or Santa hats on their heads.

“You two are actually terrifying,” Nasir rasped out.

“Despite our children, I do remember the _covert_ part of my training,” Conrad said. He looked around the room. “This is a lovely addition to our traditions. I hope Camilla can join us next year.”

“Utterly fucking terrifying,” Nasir reiterated.

Mina waved her hand. “Once you get free of Agron’s limbs, come join us in the kitchen. I’ll make the first batch of bacon extra crispy just for you.”

Nasir knew that he’d really won the in-laws lottery with the Metzgers. He loved them, truly and deeply, only having vague memories of his own parents. It was still a novelty to think he had _parents_ not just Grandma and Dagan. He knew when he met Agron years ago it would change his life; he just never imagined how many amazing people would come into it. All because of one random IED explosion and an unforeseen diversion on his convoy’s part. Or because of a short-staffed aircraft carrier on his rotation back to the States. Or because of pure Metzger stubbornness. 

“Merry Christmas you two,” Nasir said.

“Merry Christmas, son,” Conrad said as he followed Mina out. 

Nasir leaned down and kissed Agron awake. “Merry Metzgermas,” he whispered when those eyes blinked open.

Agron pulled him down in a long, sleepy kiss. “Merry Christmas,” he murmured when they finished. “Too early though.”

Nasir laughed into the short, soft strands of Agron’s hair. “God help you if small children come into this family. Come on, get up, the first batch of bacon is all ours.”

“This is why you are my favorite person ever,” Agron said. 

*********************

Nasir was halfway to a food coma when Donar and Mira stopped by with Sadie. She just had to see her godfather to thank him for the horse riding lessons. Agron and Donar had both legitimately taken the time to see if they could pool their resources and invest in a horse for Sadie. Mira put her foot firmly down on it but agreed horse riding lessons would be a not-so-drastic start to see if it wasn’t just a phase. Nasir had the distinct feeling that in a few more years, Sadie really would be getting a pony for Christmas. She was asleep now, curled up in Agron’s lap with her head resting on his shoulder. 

“You think that’ll be your kid in a few years?” Chadara asked. 

Nasir shook his head. “With the way this country is going? I doubt it.”

Chadara shrugged. “Well, me and Saxa might look into it one day and if you’re willing to help, I’m willing to carry.”

“Us go halfsies on a kid? That’ll end well,” he said. 

“This family could do with the good sense that’d come with our genes,” Chadara said. “Just think about it.”

“Not everyone is the get married and have kids kind,” Nasir said.

“You’re right,” Chadara agreed. “Not everyone is; _you_ are though. It’s not an immediate required decision because I’m thinking at least five more years on my part and nothing until Saxa takes a desk job.”

Nasir snorted and Chadara kicked him. 

“Shut the fuck up; she would do it now if I asked her. I won’t, not yet, but we both know it’ll happen in the future.”

“That certain of it, are you?” Nasir asked.

Chadara looked around them and gestured at everything. “How could you give all this up?”

Nasir looked over at Agron and nodded. “I know; I almost did once. I was worried about, well, it doesn’t matter now, but I thought about it. I was having a hard enough time thinking about leaving Agron but when it hit me that it wasn’t just him I’d be cutting ties with, it was everything, _everyone_ , I just sort of lost it.” He looked up to find Chadara’s face frozen in shock. “What?”

“I didn’t know about that; no one ever said.”

“Life before there was even a glimmer of DADT being repealed. I wouldn’t recommend it. We don’t talk about it because it was a non-issue by the end. I went to put our relationship on hold the same day Agron was in a meeting to discuss his transition into civilian life.” He grasped Chadara’s hand. “It’s not always easy with them, even when we know in our hearts it’s worth it. And sometimes, even though we _know_ in our souls these people, this family, is where we’re meant to be, it can be hard to remember that when shit gets rough. That’s why the holidays are so important. It’s one big celebration, once a month at least, to be grateful for the fact that we’re all here, together, sharing this experience with each other. Yeah, it’s over-the-top and cheesy as hell, but can you think of a better way to spend the holidays?”

Chadara snorted. “I don’t even talk to my mother, so that would be a hell no.”

Nasir nodded. “So we take them, these amazing people who have opened their hearts and home to us, and we become really fucking grateful to them for giving us family in a way we’ve never known. And they make it so it’s really fucking difficult for us to leave.”

“They are subtly evil like that.”

“So fucking evil,” Nasir agreed. “I love every last one of them though and every person they care enough to bring into the family.”

Chadara held a finger up in protest. “Duro was the one who brought me in.”

“Yeah and from the day he met you he wanted to set you up with Saxa,” Nasir said. 

Chadara looked like she wanted to curse Duro out but then she laughed. “I might’ve done the same with Diona.”

“Yes, yes, you did,” Nasir agreed. 

“Time for the sing-a-long,” Lugo yelled as he pointed to the den. “Everyone downstairs.”

“Really fucking evil,” Chadara said. 

Nasir hung back to help Mira pry Sadie from Agron’s arms. 

“Please tell me you have the earplugs,” he said when Agron stood up and stretched his arms out. He dove a hand in Agron’s jean pocket. “I will cry if you forgot them.”

“Back pocket,” Agron said. He wound his arms around Nasir and pulled him into a hug. “Or we could make a made run for it.”

“We do have to head-on to Naevia’s,” Mira said. 

“It could take you a long time to see us off,” Donar said. 

Agron quirked his eyebrow and Nasir nodded in agreement. 

“This is why he was our Best Man,” Agron said.

“This is why they were our Best Couple,” Nasir amended.

“Damn straight,” Mira said as they all made for the hallway.

**************************

They had a car overflowing with presents, a cat who just wanted to get back to her favorite chair, and jobs to go back to the next day. Nasir wanted nothing more than to collapse with Agron into their bed and not emerge until the New Year. At least they didn’t have to worry about laundry or food for the next few days. Mina never let them leave with dirty clothes packed away and Conrad shoved as many leftovers as he could on them. Personally, Duro needed more pre-made meals than any of them but the whole family thought Nasir didn’t eat enough. Obviously they’d never seem him devour a whole plate of stuffed shells. He’d given up on the arguments though and just meekly took the platters of food handed to him. 

“Home sweet townhouse,” Agron said as he pushed open the door.

It didn’t smell like pine or hot chocolate or cinnamon on the inside. It was the standard smell of clean and fresh rain from their plug-in air freshener. Tomorrow they’d sort out all the presents, suitcases, and thank you cards. Tonight though, Nasir planned on putting the food up and taking the rest of the night off. He lowered Jack’s carrier down and let her out to re-scent all her territory. He left Agron to the task of trying to fit all the food in their overflowing fridge as he emptied the car. He came back inside with the last bags to find all the lights out except for their bedroom. Nasir shoved everything into the space between the foyer and the living room before seeking out Agron. He found him sprawled on the bed already sleep-wheezing. 

Nasir picked up Jack from her place at his feet. “Another successful holiday season,” he said. He then joined Agron for a well-deserved nap.


End file.
